No More Fat Summers !

It’s not your fault !

Yes it is your fault, but that doesn’t mean your significant other isn’t exacerbating your weight troubles. We hold fast to the adage that “Behind every great man, is a great woman ( and vice versa )”, what if the only thing “great” is your waistline? Webernet Mogul Dude John Chow shared the secret to his super dope success. Could it be true that the opposite effect takes place when we pair up with the wrong hombre/mujer? Could your hubby be robbing you of your physical wealth?

The “Foodie”

Even the low-budget ones.

Come on now, Steve! When you met her you lived on Ramen, Wishes and Conference Room leftovers. Now things are a little more abundant and your kitchen sees little or no action. Every-time you sneeze some new restaurant opens up and you get dragged there kicking and screaming. All you wanted to do was watch American Gladiators/Colbert Report.

The Insecure / Jealous / Psycho / Controller.

“…Basketball courts in the summer got girls there !”

Thanks Fresh Prince, now my insecure/jealous/psycho/controlling girlfriend will never let me play hoops.
Your smoking-hot bod helped you land the perfect guy/girl, that was then. Nowadays every time you go to Bally’s they think you said Orgies, and throw every obstacle they can think of in your way. They offer to drive you, then they run over a pack of wild 3rd graders (causing tons of paperwork) just to keep you from getting your groove back!

Lazy Suzie /Sammy

“Move, Trick ! Get out the Way.”

Here is an easy one. The Wife has never been into much physical activity. Dieting is out of the question for your husband. In relationships “Compromise is King”. The only things you guys can agree on are dvd’s and Domino’s. You sit around watching Austin Powers until you both look like FatBastard.

The Enabler

“I like big butts and I cannot lie”

They know you have a problem but they sugar-coat it. They say things like ” I like a woman with a little Junk in her trunk” and “In some cultures a big belly is a sign of affluence!”, etc. He/She said it to make you feel better, and it worked. You kept on eating. Now your baby-boo doesn’t have the heart to inform you that you do, in fact, look fat in those jeans/shirts.

Fat people need excuses like diabetics need pixie sticks.

But it won’t hurt to take a long, hard look at why/when your fitness situation shifted. If the calorie compass points at your sweetie pie, will you have the cherries to turn down a slice?

Happy St. Valentines Day !

Please share this post with all the people that you know on Earth, except your significant other. I don’t need that karma.

By now you might have heard about “the 300 workout program” , the regime used to turn ordinary actors/stuntman into diced-up Spartans for the movie “300″. The 300 workout has generated tons of buzz in certain circles and spawned a slew of homemade 300-ish workouts. I’ve done a little homework and hope to present a less foggy view.

What it is NOT:

1. It is not , I repeat , Not a way to get in shape ! The 300 regime poses serious health risks if attempted by beginners (fat bastards like myself). Almost all of the program “graduates” were stuntmen , meaning already pretty fit.

2. It does not consist of 300 reps/day. The daily program varied widely, as not to let the body get used to any particular exercise. The 300 repetition workout (listed below) was a one day “final exam” for soldiers who followed the program to completion.

3. The 300 workout is not a workout. The training program the actors/stuntmen survived was a means to an end. The good folks at Gym Jones set out to turn a set of already in-shape men into an army of Spartans. Mission Accomplished.

What it is:

Calorie Restrictive.

Besides the fact that I would die , this is one of the main reasons you wont see me attempt it. The participants were given enough food to recover from the regime , that is it. One of the main goals was to get these guys cut up, so they had to consume less than they burned.

Intense.

Blindfolds ! Trainers used blindfolded weightlifting techniques to develop balance. Some days the goal of the trainers was just to break participants psychologically . The “breaking” and blindfolding were also intended to develop a sense of camaraderie. They believe that if you aren’t a little nervous before you train , your not training hard enough.

Varied.

If you came across a workout that says “just do these simple exercises (300 reps) , everyday and you will be cut!”, it ain’t the 300 regime. Gym Jones founder , Mark Twight is unique. Unique in the sense that he believes in working out as if your life depends on it. He switched the variables (weight , reps, speed, types) so that the men’s bodies would never grow accustomed , and keep them burning!

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Sources:
Gym Jones, creators of the 300 workout Spartans
WebMd.com - 300 Workout, Can You handle it ?
Frank Miller’s Video Diary #3-training segment

I kinda knew I would . I blew off my fitness plans to get a little sweet holiday loving.

Who could resist all the goodies that comes along with the holiday season. All the conference rooms in the office overflowed with free food. Cakes, pies and cookie trays all mine for the taking. The cheap bastard inside me took over temporarily. I guess all the sugary snacks made work less work-like too.

Family and (so called ) friends did their part to make my season bright. So many of them sent over large canisters of popcorn and such that I barely had to buy lunch this month. Pound cake for breakfast, mi amigo. I got busy !

The food wasn’t the problem. I’d never planned to adopt a restrictive diet. The major thing to me was that I’d stopped working out. I spent a lot of time with the family but I could have tried a little harder. In retrospect, I could have squeezed in a sit-up or two.

I make jokes about washing clothes on my abs, which would be nice, but I’m looking for more than that.

Recently, I’ve been acquiring all those little health quirks that come with my added girth. My knees hurt more , I find myself winded when taking the stairs, I even have trouble tying my shoes. My cholesterol is up , my blood pressure is up , etc. I think my doctor is a little disappointed.

It’s been a long time since I felt compelled to go shirtless around humans , no biggie. The internal changes hit me the hardest. I have less energy , less stamina. My reduced physical prowess is starting to weigh on my personal life in ways I won’t mention here (no pun intended).

This blog is more about walking up 2 flights of stairs in one shot than it is about looking buff when I get there ( although its wouldn’t hurt).

I want to FEEL better. I want to BE better.

Why do you do it?

While cruising the net the other day , I saw something that really stopped me in my tracks ! I was reading a way more popular blog and the topic was something along the lines of ” Having a professional design your blog “. Halfway through the post he highlighted some really good examples , that’s where i saw it.

It was FatManUnleashed.com, a site like this but way more Dope ! The guy behind the site had already incorporated some of the features I had intended on (eventually) adding to this site, plus a few I hadn’t thought of. I didn’t expect that mine would be the only site out there but this guy nailed some of things I wanted to do.

My initial response was to scrap this site and get a sandwich ( I’m a quitter !). Then I started to think…

1. If I don’t lose weight I’ll just have to keep buying bigger clothes every six months and XXXXXLT oxfords ain’t getting any cheaper my friend!

2. If I quit I will have already wasted the $37 in start up cost ! ( You know how many PopTarts I could buy with that )

3. I already told everybody I know to check out the site ( All 3 of them ) , they might laugh and throw popcorn at me.

So check out FatManUnleashed.com then , come back and watch me fail try ! I will continue to plug away at this and use this finding as motivation and an example of what this site can will be.

Nuff Respect to the Super, Outstanding, blogger (hehe) who beat me to the punch !

I brought a shiny new scale ! Yup, purchased a spiffy new, glass scale just for this mission or what not. I brought one rated up to 400 lbs. because last time I went for a physical exam ( too long ago ), I weighed in the neighborhood of 390 lbs. As you can see, I’ve continued gaining and with the holidays in full swing i don’t see that changing any time soon. It’s official, 406 lbs. is my starting point. Lets see where we can take it !

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Confucious didn’t get into how hard that damned first step actually is. Here it is ,post numero 1. The first step in my journey to what I hope is the promised land of physical fitness. I plan on using this blog to make me stick to my guns with respect to getting in shape. blah blah blah, let’s go!